I was recently reading a family friend's blog about her son's autism diagnosis.
It reminded me of the day that Danny was diagnosed with autism.
I was pregnant with Sarah. I had taken him to do several days of testing with a specialist. At the end of the testing, Brian and I met with the specialist and she told us all of the results that she had found. I wasn't very surprised with the results. Until she said that he had high functioning autism. I wasn't expecting him to be "severe" enough to be considered autistic. I fought back tears. I was doing a pretty good job at it until she said that she recommended ABA.
ABA is a very intense program for autistic children. You need to hire someone to come into your home for about 40 hours per week and work with your child in a room with just the 2 of them. I knew a lot about ABA beforehand so when she said that, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I remember thinking that my life was drastically changing at that moment. I just sat and listened to her recommendations while trying not to start sobbing.
I held that in until I got to my car. Then, I just let it all out. It started out with sobbing. Then it turned into a wailing. And yelling. And screaming. I'm pretty sure I was hyperventilating. I actually remember thinking, if someone sees me like this, they will think I am dying. I was having a hard time focusing on the road during all of this. I couldn't see very well and I was just thinking of the worst possible things that were going to happen to my child. This was definitely something that we didn't plan for. Actually Danny's whole life was not what we had planned.
I went to pick Danny up from my parent's house and my brother asked me what they said. I started crying again and I couldn't talk. He quickly apologized for asking but I told him that I needed to talk about it so I told him.
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I don't talk about my diabetes very much because I hate it.
I hate it so much.
I hate that my life depends on this stupid disease.
I hate that I am constantly having to watch my blood sugars. Constantly having to watch what I am eating and counting carbs to try and figure out the right amount of insulin to take.
I hate that if I take too much insulin, my blood sugar will go low and there is a possibility of me passing out, having a seizure, going into a comma, or dying.
I hate that if I don't take enough insulin, my blood sugar will go high, which can cause eye disease, nerve disease, kidney disease, or death, to name a few.
I hate that if I don't have my insulin and test strips at all times, I can't control my diabetes and could end up in the hospital or dead. Don't even get me started on insurance companies and what happens when I run out after the pharmacy is closed.
I hate worrying about not waking up in the morning or having a reaction when Brian is gone.
But even though my life depends on this stupid disease, I am not going to let it control my life. I am going to be happy. I love my life. I had 3 healthy children with no problem at all. Well except for the time that I was hugely pregnant and peeing in a cup that I couldn't see and ended up getting pee all over myself and my clothes at the doctor's office. ANYWAY, I love the people that are in my life. I am going to surround myself with people that make my life better. I am going to make sure that I make 10 people laugh every single day. I am going to surround myself with the gospel to make it better. I am going to trust in the Lord to make my life the best it can be.
Heck ya I am going to scream and sob and go hysterical every once in a while. How else would I deal with this crap?
I look back at that day that Danny was diagnosed with Autism and I am amazed at how well he is doing. Danny has so many friends. He was the first person to finish his kindergarten testing by 10 minutes and is almost reading at a 3rd grade level. He loves to be in charge and loves to try new things. I am pretty sure he is not even on the spectrum anymore!
Ha! Take that Autism and Diabetes and all of you horrible diseases out there! I am not going to let you ruin my life. If you had a physical form, I would beat the crap out of you and end with a roundhouse kick to your face.
It reminded me of the day that Danny was diagnosed with autism.
I was pregnant with Sarah. I had taken him to do several days of testing with a specialist. At the end of the testing, Brian and I met with the specialist and she told us all of the results that she had found. I wasn't very surprised with the results. Until she said that he had high functioning autism. I wasn't expecting him to be "severe" enough to be considered autistic. I fought back tears. I was doing a pretty good job at it until she said that she recommended ABA.
ABA is a very intense program for autistic children. You need to hire someone to come into your home for about 40 hours per week and work with your child in a room with just the 2 of them. I knew a lot about ABA beforehand so when she said that, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I remember thinking that my life was drastically changing at that moment. I just sat and listened to her recommendations while trying not to start sobbing.
I held that in until I got to my car. Then, I just let it all out. It started out with sobbing. Then it turned into a wailing. And yelling. And screaming. I'm pretty sure I was hyperventilating. I actually remember thinking, if someone sees me like this, they will think I am dying. I was having a hard time focusing on the road during all of this. I couldn't see very well and I was just thinking of the worst possible things that were going to happen to my child. This was definitely something that we didn't plan for. Actually Danny's whole life was not what we had planned.
I went to pick Danny up from my parent's house and my brother asked me what they said. I started crying again and I couldn't talk. He quickly apologized for asking but I told him that I needed to talk about it so I told him.
************
I don't talk about my diabetes very much because I hate it.
I hate it so much.
I hate that my life depends on this stupid disease.
I hate that I am constantly having to watch my blood sugars. Constantly having to watch what I am eating and counting carbs to try and figure out the right amount of insulin to take.
I hate that if I take too much insulin, my blood sugar will go low and there is a possibility of me passing out, having a seizure, going into a comma, or dying.
I hate that if I don't take enough insulin, my blood sugar will go high, which can cause eye disease, nerve disease, kidney disease, or death, to name a few.
I hate that if I don't have my insulin and test strips at all times, I can't control my diabetes and could end up in the hospital or dead. Don't even get me started on insurance companies and what happens when I run out after the pharmacy is closed.
I hate worrying about not waking up in the morning or having a reaction when Brian is gone.
But even though my life depends on this stupid disease, I am not going to let it control my life. I am going to be happy. I love my life. I had 3 healthy children with no problem at all. Well except for the time that I was hugely pregnant and peeing in a cup that I couldn't see and ended up getting pee all over myself and my clothes at the doctor's office. ANYWAY, I love the people that are in my life. I am going to surround myself with people that make my life better. I am going to make sure that I make 10 people laugh every single day. I am going to surround myself with the gospel to make it better. I am going to trust in the Lord to make my life the best it can be.
Heck ya I am going to scream and sob and go hysterical every once in a while. How else would I deal with this crap?
I look back at that day that Danny was diagnosed with Autism and I am amazed at how well he is doing. Danny has so many friends. He was the first person to finish his kindergarten testing by 10 minutes and is almost reading at a 3rd grade level. He loves to be in charge and loves to try new things. I am pretty sure he is not even on the spectrum anymore!
Ha! Take that Autism and Diabetes and all of you horrible diseases out there! I am not going to let you ruin my life. If you had a physical form, I would beat the crap out of you and end with a roundhouse kick to your face.
